Whilst floating in my very own pool, reclining upon my very own pool float - demonic forces arrived. (No not mexican children - they be scared of kabuki) Rather, the built in radio went on the fritz - everytime a wave of water washed over the armrest, the radio changed to a christian station. This particular christian station featured a Jimmy Swaggart sermon. He promised kabuki fire & brimstone if kabuki did not purchase his Study Bible. Apparently ole JimJim has highlighted the Bible IN DIFFERENT COLORS!!!!! Ba-zing. Just the thing for beating the word of God into Christian and non-Christian alike. (kabuki refuses to name these non-christians because they take offense at everything. They remind kabuki of thirteen year old girls - hatin on everybody). So instead of a gentle floating motion kabuki's pool float is surrounded by a frothing sea of maddness. Kabuki can be seen pounding on the arm of the pool float screaming 'out out out you nasty pervert'. Did kabuki mention the children are scared of kabuki? Halloween is gonna be a blast. Kabuki might not even hand out candy, just jump out and take a piece from the little whippersnapper's candy bag. Life is harsh, the children might as well learn it from a master. Kabuki often sees the jealousy in the parents eyes when kabuki reminds them he is indeed childless. Yes kabuki has animal friends, but you can sell them on Craigslist for Bingo money. IT IS PERFECTLY LEGAL!!
In other exciting news, kabuki was returning from a walk around Desperate Palms with Liberty (the adopted poodle). Kabuki has nicknamed him 'Limberger', because puppy breath is a very bad thing. SO ANYWAY, kabuki noticed someone has moved kabuki's little red wagon. (no it don't need fixing) What miscreant has trespassed and violated my beloved wagon? OMG My beloved Super Secret Straight Boyfriend has delivered to my very door, IN THE DESERT, a three foot clam shell. Minutes later SSSBF saunters in. the cock of the walk. "What? Why? How? Why? And of course Why?" kabuki gently asked the eye-candy. "The guy with the landscaping business was gonna throw it out, so I asked him if I could have it for you. Nice, huh?" SSSBF replied. Mark my words, kabuki is gonna give that stud-muffin a lil' sumthin-sumthin. Are you feeling what kabuki is cooking? kabuki thought as much. Kabuki is returned, and the world is alright once again.
Once another delightful note, in less than 24 hours kabuki will be receiving his first Infomaniac visitor. The lovely and talented Donna Lethal is weekending in Desert Hot Springs and offered to buy kabuki dinner. (score) She said 'I understand if you do not wish to show your work in progress house'. Kabuki answered 'Are you kidding? Kabuki requires anyone nearby to come and see the as-is state of affairs. Kabuki does not wish people to think he just moved into a turn-key double-wide mansion of extreme tastefulness, NO NO NO. Kabuki wants all to know the super-human effort required to make the house a home. That being said, if Donna thinks kabuki is going to mop the floors she is sadly mistaken. Kabuki dusted, vacuumed, and took out the trash. Kabuki is now watching cartoons, sipping iced tea and nibbling on a chilled peruvian minneola. After all, what does one expect from kabuki. Have you ever mopped a floor in a silk kimono and white face. Kabuki thought not.
Kabuki has decided a nice 19th century romantic bronze would be yummy on the patio. Anyone who has an extra bronze should contact kabuki via this fantastic blog. As a child of goodness and light kabuki deserves a nice bronze. Let us spend no more time on this. Thanks in advance from kabuki.
ps. kabuki did not want another desk, so that is why kabuki is a proud french poodle parent.